Who are you?

I'm a life coach with an academic background and a particular interest in attachment theory, based in Cardiff, Wales. This site began as a way to collate my own resources on attachment avoidance in adulthood. The writing is largely lifted or paraphrased from research books, papers, psychotherapist talks, as well as online articles, many of which are listed in the resources section. You can contact me with feedback at freetoattach@outlook.com.

Why does this site only focus on avoidant attachment?

Working with other attachment styles I noticed they tend more readily to seek out self-help resources as part of their self-reflection process. However, the difficulty for those with attachment avoidance is this can feel very shaming. This experience is not helped by the way avoidant attachment is sometimes dealt with in popular books and online. Deactivating strategies are also more likely to be shamed in our culture than activating strategies, although both are natural triggered responses. All this can understandably lead to feelings of helplessness for avoidants. My aim was to create an action-orientated site that covered the avoidant experience in detail, was accessible and empathetic to anyone experiencing these impulses, could also help their partners understand them sympathetically, and which helps people make healthy relationship choices.

Every relationship is a dynamic between two people, and each person must take responsibility for their own personal triggers, responses and healthy growth, not blaming problems solely on the other. There are many resources about push-pull dynamics in relationships and other attachment styles online. However, it is the nature of avoidant attachment to more likely to see others as the problem, so understanding and reframing these experiences individually is an important part of personal growth.