BOOKS, PODCASTS & ONLINE RESOURCES
Check out some online courses on the Solutions Overview page.
There is a good test for your attachment style here which can also track it as it develops.
Attachment Theory - a guide to strengthening the relationships in your life - Thais Gibson (amazon)
Attached - Levine & Heller (amazon)
The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependency - Weinhold & Weinhold (amazon)
The Power of Attachment - Diane Poole Heller (amazon)
Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships (Audiobook) - Diane Poole Heller (amazon)
Wired for Love and Wired for Dating - Stan Tatkin (amazon)
The Attachment Theory Workbook - Annie Chen (amazon)
Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner - Jeb Kinnison (amazon)
Facing Codependence and The Intimacy Factor - Pia Mellody (amazon)
Attachment Across the Lifecourse - David Howe (amazon)
Trauma & the Avoidant Client - Robert Muller (amazon)
Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics & Change - Mikulincer & Shaver (amazon)
Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love - Robert Karen (amazon)
Attachment and the Defence Against Intimacy - Linda Cundy (amazon)
The Struggle for Intimacy - Janet Wotitiz (amazon)
Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children - Barbara Nicholson (amazon)
Hold Me Tight - Sue Johnson (amazon)
When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships - David Richo (amazon)
Getting the Love You Want - A Guide for Couples - Harville Hendrix (amazon)
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - John M Gottman (amazon)
Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict - Jonathan Robinson (amazon)
We Do - Stan Tatkin (amazon)
Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't - Henry Cloud (amazon)
How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving - David Richo (amazon)
Love & Limerence - Dorothy Tennoy (amazon)
Why Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts - Harriet Lerner (amazon)
I Love You but I'm Not in Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship - Andrew Marshall (amazon)
The Happy Couple's Secret - Harville Hendrix (amazon)
Renovate Your Relationships - Scott Vaudrey
Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect - Musello & Webb (amazon)
The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, And Body In The Healing Of Trauma - Bessel A. van der Kolk
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg,
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Lindsay Gibson (amazon)
Constructive Wallowing: How To Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them - Tina Gilbertson (amazon)
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself - Aziz Gazipura (amazon)
The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection - Raphael Cushnir (amazon)
Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin: how to recognise & set healthy boundaries - Anne Katherine (amazon)
Boundaries - Cloud & Townsend (amazon)
The Art of Everyday Assertiveness - Patrick King (amazon)
The Assertiveness Workbook - Randy Paterson (amazon)
Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How To Find Hope - Johann Haari (amazon)
Inner Bonding & Inner Bonding Workbook - Margaret Paul (amazon)
Parent Yourself Again - Yong Kang Chan (amazon)
Master Your Emotions - Thibaut Meurisse (amazon)
How to Overcome Your Childhood - The School of Life (amazon)
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing from Narcissistic Parents - Karyl McBride (amazon)
An Adult Child's Guide to What is Normal - Friel & Friel (amazon)
The Dismissing/Avoidant Style of Relating in Adult Relationships - Therapist Uncensored
(- good podcast series in general, which often includes attachment theory)
How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin - The Relationship School
Moving to a Secure Attachment Style - Love Intently Podcast
Boundaries for Partners of Avoiders - Beyond Bitchy
Avoidant Attachment in Marriage - The Marriage Podcast for Smart People
Connor Beaton - various life mastery podcasts directed at men
Tracy Crossley - attachment & insecurity in relationships, how to stop making fear-based decisions etc
Shattering BS Beliefs - Amy Turner
www.connorbeaton.com (self mastery directed at men specifically)
These are great places to share information, ask questions, hear stories and
read advice from others on how they work with their attachment styles.
Personal Development School Facebook Group
Attachment in Relationships Facebook Group
Attachment Community Facebook Group
Introduction to Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment part 1: the dependence dilemma
Avoidant attachment part 2: the downside of preservation
The relationship theory that melted my cold heart
Dismissing attachment and the search for love
Fear of intimacy and closeness in relationships
The turmoil of avoidant attachment style
The dismissive avoidant attachment style
The dangers of love: understanding the love avoidant and the fear of intimacy
Sexual anorexia, love avoidants and relationship cycles
I'm 36, still single, and finally figured out why
Relationships: the avoidant style
The attachment secret (The Guardian)
Attachment styles (why your relationships might be all screwed up)
The plight of the avoidantly attached partner in couples therapy
Anxious-avoidant couples: the silent treatment
Attachment type combinations in relationships
The adult attachment model in therapy
Survey of adult attachment theory and research
Research article: Attachment styles in daily life
Understanding Commitment Issues
Enmeshment & Individuation
How enmeshment leads to fear of relationships and avoidant attachment
Lack of individuation keeps you from real love
Healing from attachment issues
How to change your attachment style
The lonesome traveller - an avoidant's path to love
How to overcome an avoidant attachment style
How attachment theory helped us get back together
What is an avoidant attachment style and how can I change it
How to move past the honeymoon stage without breaking up
5 ways to help avoidant attachment and get security now
Managing conflict avoidance in relationships
What are personal boundaries? How do I get some?
10 ways to build & preserve better boundaries
The no-BS guide to protecting your emotional space
How to create healthy boundaries
Leaving relationships - therapist's perspective (twitter thread)
How to tell if someone has an avoidant attachment style
How to date someone who has an avoidant attachment style
How to get love from someone who's guarded
18 ways to increase intimacy and communication with an avoidant partner
Q&A: can I change someone with an avoidant attachment style?
Why you shouldn't avoid avoidants
How to know if your avoidant partner wants to work on your relationship
Some very readable links:
This site has drawn from these links and many other resources.
If I had my life to live over again – Nadine Stair
If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
Hour after hour,
Day after day.
Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else - just moments,
One after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.
I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
And stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.