AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT:

BOOKS, PODCASTS & ONLINE RESOURCES

Check out some online courses on the Solutions Overview page.

 
Books:

On attachment

  • Attachment Theory - a guide to strengthening the relationships in your life - Thais Gibson (amazon)

  • Attached - Levine & Heller (amazon)

  • The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependency - Weinhold & Weinhold (amazon)     

  • The Power of Attachment - Diane Poole Heller (amazon) 

  • Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships (Audiobook) - Diane Poole Heller (amazon)

  • Wired for Love and Wired for Dating - Stan Tatkin (amazon)

  • The Attachment Theory Workbook - Annie Chen (amazon)

  • Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner - Jeb Kinnison (amazon)

  • Facing Codependence and The Intimacy Factor - Pia Mellody (amazon)

  • Attachment Across the Lifecourse - David Howe (amazon)

  • Trauma & the Avoidant Client - Robert Muller (amazon)

  • Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics & Change - Mikulincer & Shaver (amazon)

  • Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love - Robert Karen (amazon)

  • Attachment and the Defence Against Intimacy - Linda Cundy (amazon)

  • The Struggle for Intimacy - Janet Wotitiz (amazon)

  • Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children - Barbara Nicholson (amazon)

On relationships

  • Hold Me Tight - Sue Johnson (amazon)

  • When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships - David Richo (amazon)

  • Getting the Love You Want - A Guide for Couples - Harville Hendrix (amazon)

  • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work  - John M Gottman (amazon)

  • Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict - Jonathan Robinson (amazon)

  • We Do - Stan Tatkin (amazon)

  • Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't - Henry Cloud (amazon)

  • How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving - David Richo (amazon)

  • Love & Limerence - Dorothy Tennoy (amazon)

  • Why Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts - Harriet Lerner (amazon)

  • I Love You but I'm Not in Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship - Andrew Marshall (amazon)

  • The Happy Couple's Secret - Harville Hendrix (amazon)

  • Renovate Your Relationships - Scott Vaudrey

Other

  • Constructive Wallowing: How To Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them - Tina Gilbertson (amazon)

  • Mindsight - Dan Siegal (intro) (amazon)

  • Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself - Aziz Gazipura (amazon)

  • The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection - Raphael Cushnir (amazon)

  • Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin: how to recognise & set healthy boundaries - Anne Katherine (amazon)

  • Boundaries - Cloud & Townsend (amazon)

  • The Art of Everyday Assertiveness - Patrick King (amazon)

  • The Assertiveness Workbook - Randy Paterson (amazon)

  • Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How To Find Hope - Johann Haari (amazon)

  • Inner Bonding & Inner Bonding Workbook - Margaret Paul (amazon)

  • Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Lindsay Gibson (amazon)

  • Parent Yourself Again - Yong Kang Chan (amazon)

  • Master Your Emotions - Thibaut Meurisse (amazon)

  • How to Overcome Your Childhood - The School of Life (amazon)

  • Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing from Narcissistic Parents - Karyl McBride (amazon)

  • An Adult Child's Guide to What is Normal - Friel & Friel (amazon)

  • Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect - Musello & Webb (amazon)

Podcasts: 


The Dismissing/Avoidant Style of Relating in Adult Relationships - Therapist Uncensored

(- good podcast series in general, which often includes attachment theory)

How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin - The Relationship School

Moving to a Secure Attachment Style - Love Intently Podcast

Boundaries for Partners of Avoiders - Beyond Bitchy

Avoidant Attachment in Marriage - The Marriage Podcast for Smart People

Connor Beaton - various life mastery podcasts directed at men

Tracy Crossley - attachment & insecurity in relationships, how to stop making fear-based decisions etc

Shattering BS Beliefs - Amy Turner

Websites: 

www.pathwaytohappiness.com

www.personaldevelopmentschool.com

www.heirloomcounseling.com

https://www.exquisite.love/blog/2019/4/3/attachment-theory-notes-articles-amp-resources

www.connorbeaton.com  (self mastery directed at men specifically)

www.dianepooleheller.com
 

YouTube: 

Relationship OCD Channel

Forums: 

Jeb Kinnison Attachment Forum (including support for avoidants)

Personal Development School Facebook Group

Reddit Attachment Theory

Some very readable links:

This site has drawn from these links and many other resources.

@sussexcounsellor

freetoattach@outlook.com

If I had my life to live over again – Nadine Stair

 

If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
Hour after hour,
Day after day.

Oh, I’ve had my moments.
If I had to do it over again,
I’d have more of them.
In fact, I’d try to have nothing else - just moments,
One after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I could do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
And stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.